Birthmark Aficionado T-Shirts

"What portrait of my mum? That's a birthmark you idiot!"

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

A watch face with Stonehenge

Having been born with a birthmark that looks exactly like Asia and the Mideast, Russell was able to ace the geography portion of the SATs.

Birthday Cakes: From Around the World

LOL. Larry Lee Oppenheimer is no fan of monogrammed underwear.

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

All day I design high tech communication devices...yet at a party I'm lost without name tags.

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

Zorro, The Embroiderer

Over the Hill Birthday Cards

The Statue of Liberty stands up all day long and rests by night.

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

"And so one could say that my work examines art as an expression of objecthood where the object is neither the art nor the object but rather the practice of intentionality."

"Since Jesus keeps changing our names, I thought name tags would be nice."

"This house must be very kid friendly. It has handprints wallpaper..."

"Don't you dare ask me again...ARE WE THERE YET??"

Rebels without a magic marker

I love Big Ben

'Nobody will see it in the sauna. Besides, how bad can your birthmark actually be?'

"I'm the greatest CEO with the biggest deals and you know why? Because I have the same felt-tip pens as Donald Trump!"

"Hurry up love, or I'll have to put you down as one and a half!"

'Here -- take this prescription down to the Bureau of Motor Vehicles and get yourself some vanity plates.'

Mt Rushmore south side viewing platform

'Forever stamps? You gotta admire their optimism.'

Sniper Rec Room

Welcome: Psychics Convention.

'All those classes for the boy and still no improvement,,,'

A hunter missing his target

"He's not going to shoot back, is he?"

"Yes, that book does have a pause button. It's called a book mark."

'Especially if it's a teacher's red pen.'

"Before our date goes any further...do you have any allergy or high cholesterol issues?"

"Your wife collects stamps! That's nothing, mine collects fine china! You have no idea how stressful it is for me..."

Eventually