Birthmark Aficionado T-Shirts

"What portrait of my mum? That's a birthmark you idiot!"

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

A watch face with Stonehenge

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

All day I design high tech communication devices...yet at a party I'm lost without name tags.

Zorro, The Embroiderer

The Statue of Liberty stands up all day long and rests by night.

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

"And so one could say that my work examines art as an expression of objecthood where the object is neither the art nor the object but rather the practice of intentionality."

"Since Jesus keeps changing our names, I thought name tags would be nice."

"This house must be very kid friendly. It has handprints wallpaper..."

'Nobody will see it in the sauna. Besides, how bad can your birthmark actually be?'

"I'm the greatest CEO with the biggest deals and you know why? Because I have the same felt-tip pens as Donald Trump!"

Rebels without a magic marker

"Don't you dare ask me again...ARE WE THERE YET??"

I love Big Ben

"Hurry up love, or I'll have to put you down as one and a half!"

Mt Rushmore south side viewing platform

'Forever stamps? You gotta admire their optimism.'

'Here -- take this prescription down to the Bureau of Motor Vehicles and get yourself some vanity plates.'

Sniper Rec Room

Welcome: Psychics Convention.

'All those classes for the boy and still no improvement,,,'

"Before our date goes any further...do you have any allergy or high cholesterol issues?"

"He's not going to shoot back, is he?"

A hunter missing his target

"Yes, that book does have a pause button. It's called a book mark."

'Especially if it's a teacher's red pen.'

"Your wife collects stamps! That's nothing, mine collects fine china! You have no idea how stressful it is for me..."