Birthday Diplomat T-Shirts

"December 25 is my birthday!"

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"So a play date next Tuesday, okay? Have your people call my people to set it up."

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'I know that other kids manage on ?5 pocket money - but their parents don't charge them to watch any television programme their parents don't happen to approve off!'

'You'll want Mr. Pigglesworth's version of the story too, I assume?'

"I can't hold it together much longer. . . If Bradley doesn't wipe that smug, self-satisfied smirk off his face soon, I swear I'll kill him."

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

Landing That Tough Account

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

'And I bet the same resolution principles would work in your neighborhood conflicts.'

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

'A mediator hasn't worked, so I brought in everyone's moms.'

'I'm NOT being a tattle-tale! -- I'm being a reliable source!'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'

"You’ll meet a beautiful woman whom your mother will loathe."

'Let's arbitrate.'

His side of the bed, her side of the bed, and the demilitarized zone.

Permission to get to first base denied.

'Death in the 'life' section of library'

Bipartisan.

"Does anyone second the motion to make family meetings more informal?"

'Shall we talk about your unacceptable behavior or shall we go directly to the penalty phase?'

'Wow, I just told your mother I welcomed her criticism.'

The free and sovereign republic of the ninth floor.

"Sir, you're the most likely candidate but your campaign slogan...'Neither left nor right but round...'"