Bird Banter Pillows

"Ain't no drab plumage at closing time."

'I know I say a lot of rubbish. That's because your wife taught me how to speak!'

A real turkey lunch.

So you're a mocking bird...

"He also barks, meows and makes noises like a hamster."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'We should talk more.'

Bertie Wooster type teaching a parrot to talk

'Psst...e=mc?.'

"Who's a pretty boy?"

Why two parrots are a bad idea....

He took every chance to practice his talk.

Blackbirds.

"I don't feel like going out. Why don't just the two of us stay in and open a can of worms?"

"Frankly, he's trying to teach me his language, but he makes no effort at all to try to learn mine..."

'Stop me if you've heard this one before.'

That's right: Not only are we 'Man's best friend', but a lot of people are allergic to cats...

Squawk dirty to me...

"Let's go to one of those places where they regurgitate the meal right at your table."

"Play coy if you like, but no one can resist a perfectly symmetrical face."

'I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying if you're RIGHT, I'm a Dutch uncle.'

"Yep, it's irritable fowl syndrome alright."

'If birds reproduce by laying eggs, what's this BIRDSEED stuff all about?'

"I've never written anything, but I think I have a good ear for dialogue."

"I don't know how you do it. I'm hopeless after dinner."

"My wife understands me."

Real Angry Birds.

It says 'the sooner we get Twitter set up the sooner he can stop sending these bloody birds'.

"Don't worry. He's got unlimited minutes."

Why must you have "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" on the jukebox? A lot of people complained that "Happy Hour" was too happy.

"Sorry, but I've decided to start doing my own material."

"You pooped all over their car. You gotta expect some payback."

"He does have a dark side but it's mostly his back and thighs."