Bipartisanship Buff Gifts

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

'What's wrong now?'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"We need to do something about excessive admin. I want you to fill out one of these forms every time you think you're doing some."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

CIA report

"Congratulations, Trumpism. It's ot often we initiate a new horseman."

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

"Before vaporizing this one, we need to file an environmental impact report."

The Complete Book of Baby Names. Oooh, what do you think of 110101110110? Isn't that cute?

'I don't think the employees like me.'

Presidential Pooch Meets The Press

"Useless information"

"If you're really interested, talk to someone at corporate. They own my soul."

"We find it as long as you manage the inputs, the outputs will look after themselves."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

Republicans and Democrats debate while the US economy drowns.

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

"Moulting"

"You realize, of course, that I'll have to make a big show of having security escort you out."

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'It's a new rule, sir - There's a seven-day waiting period for stamps now.'

"From this you make a living?"

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

"If you could just stop threatening to invade us every 5 minutes... that would be great."

Viva Belarus!

'Look at this story... 'Jewish settlers are going on building houses'!'

I kicked him upstairs to Diaz, Diaz kicked him over to Fennelson, and Fennelson evidently kicked him out the window.

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed house site, but that I'm not familiar with your planet's building codes.'

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"