Biodegradable Believer Gifts

Carrier Bag Shame

'What motivated you to become a environmentalist?'

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

Ghost School.

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Eureka! Details to follow."

"Yes, binary is really kicking in."

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

"Oh, man, I forgot to stretch, ever."

'Sir Steve Austin is here to see you.'

'I don't need a rewards program for my customers, as much as I do a blind faith program for them.'

Apostle shopping at 'Aeroapostle' Store.

Feelings towards radios #8 People worshipping a radio.

Colin was always looking for new ways to communicate complex financial products.

"Lucky beast....No factory farming, no suffering at the slaughterhouse...perfect."

'If it'll make you any happier, we're biodegradable, too.'

'Sir Steve Austin is here to see you.'

"Keep your chin up."

'All I did was tell him his bonds were backed by the full faith and credit of the U.S. government.'

'Those stretching exercises you have been practicing are really working!'

Pinocchio auditions for a boyband.

'Will Tuesday afternoon be satisfactory?'

"Isn't Bill going a little too green?"

'Oh-oh -- they're having a big war over which one of us to worship!'

"If I ever use the term 'bromance' to describe our friendship, you have permission to punch me."

"Tomorrow’s the day. I’ve been waiting in line for 'Deadpool & Wolverine' for months." "What on earth are you talking about, little buddy?" "Well, it’s not exactly me. It’s a kid I paid, he’s holding my spot." "Wait… Please tell me you didn’t pay a kid to not go home for two months." "It doesn’t sound so good the way you say it."

'Where have you been all your life? Everybody knows that zero coupon bonds are the way to go!'

A Tailor and a new customer

Wait Here. Employment Office. My belief that if you can't say something nice about a person you shouldn't say anything at all spelled doom for my career as a radio talk show host.

"Caroline Dolnick said my dress is a knockoff!"

"If these sleeping pills don't work, chant their soothing brand name and you'll fall asleep."

A woman dances to music on the radio.

"That's the first self-help book I wrote. The second two didn't sell nearly as well."

"Jesus, how many times have I told you that's not a toy?"

"I see prosperity in your future."