Binocular-wielding Comedians Gifts

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

'Anorak anoraks'.

'So, what do you want to be when you grow up: rebel scum or loyal servant of the supreme android republic?'

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

Bird Watcher Slowly Sinking.

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"After seeing the benefits of web analytics, Amy hoped to learn something by attaching cookies to customers who visited her store."

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

"Get a life!"

Outlaw Quilting Bees

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

"I know that birds of a feather should flock together, but I like hanging out with you guys..."

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

"We've been married 32 years. How can you possibly still be in beta?"

Groucho Glasses Eye Test

Memory Foam Mattress.

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

'I hate bird watching in the city.'

'All I can tell you is that they find us interesting and may God bless them one and all.'

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

Humpty Dumpty sat on a paywall.

'Our house is directly in the migratory path of Canada geese, so we keep the windows open until mid-November.'

"Thanks for bringing the party mix, but. . ."

Heisenberg Witness Protection Program

'I do love you, but anything you say, ever, will be remembered and may be used in evidence against you.'

Supermarkets eyeing up suburban development site.

Woman at a flower shop with a sign in background 'Fresh Flowers' as a daisy grabs a woman's big breasts.

'I need a new motto. One with 140 characters.'

"Shhhh. 3-bedroom, 2-bath ranch, attached garage, good schools...dead ahead."

Bird watcher close encounter.