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'No, it wasn't a horror movie, It was the gas bill'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

Business is off the chart.

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

"I love your optimism."

"Well, there's nowhere to go but up."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"Oh, I can't complain"

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

City Redundancies - In? Out?

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

"This is where things started getting really weird."

"We have reason to believe there may be some volatility in the fourth quarter."

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'Well Miss Hayward, your suggestion of trying Feng Shui didn't work.'

U.S. Manufacturing - Good News & Bad News

'That is correct on so many levels Jenkins!'

"...Looks like nothing but snow on TV tonight..."

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

Profit Chart with Happy and Sad Faces.

'A simple, 'profits are up', would have sufficed.'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

"They said it couldn't be done. I suppose we should have listened to our lawyers."

"The accounting change that contributed most to the quarter was adding three zeros to the revenue number."

'The Buck (after taxes) Stops Here.'

Oh, I can't complain. high profits

"Have you heard something that the rest of us don't know about?"