Bill Pessimist Pillows

"No, this medication has no side effects. Although one or two patients have reported, sweating and palpitations when I hand them their bill."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

Tom's last day.

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

"Die alone"

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

"Your 'businessman's lunch' was $9.95, sir, but I had to add a 'fair share' surcharge."

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

'Turned out nice again.'

"Your bill includes a 10% surcharge that goes towards raising awareness of the rampant overcharging in the legal fraternity."

This will be a banner day for you!

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

'So when I couldn't pay the mortgage, the bank offered me this rescue package!'

All my silver linings have clouds around them.

'Against Joie De Vivre': Meet the author today.

"This feels like the start of something that will eventually break one of our hearts."

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

"It's a win-win to expect the worst. If I'm wrong, that's fortunate. If I'm right, I'm vindicated."

'New Years Resolution: !. Don't collude with bankers to drag the world to the edge of financial Armageddon....

'The bad news is the price of gas is going up. The good news is since I lost my job I've got nowhere to go anyway.'