Bill Pessimist T-Shirts

"No, this medication has no side effects. Although one or two patients have reported, sweating and palpitations when I hand them their bill."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

Tom's last day.

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

"Die alone"

"My glass is half empty"

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

"Your 'businessman's lunch' was $9.95, sir, but I had to add a 'fair share' surcharge."

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

'Turned out nice again.'

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

This will be a banner day for you!

"Your bill includes a 10% surcharge that goes towards raising awareness of the rampant overcharging in the legal fraternity."

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

"People wipe their feet on me all day long. I mean, really, what could possibly be worse than that?"

'So when I couldn't pay the mortgage, the bank offered me this rescue package!'

All my silver linings have clouds around them.

'Against Joie De Vivre': Meet the author today.

The end is near! Wacko. The end is far!

"This feels like the start of something that will eventually break one of our hearts."

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

"It's a win-win to expect the worst. If I'm wrong, that's fortunate. If I'm right, I'm vindicated."

"Breakfast is my favorite meal because the day hasn't been ruined yet."

'The bad news is the price of gas is going up. The good news is since I lost my job I've got nowhere to go anyway.'