Bill Investigator T-Shirts

'Is this for wiping greasy hands? No, it's your itemized bill.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

Giant pandas doing surveillance in a zoo.

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

Explorer with enormous magnifying glass.

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

'I believe the murderer is in this very room.'

Office of the Special Investigator: Stepped out to follow the 'money trail'.

"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Redacted Funnies: "Finally, the President blurted out what the country knew all along. . . . . . "

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

"So then how do you explain trigonometry, tough guy!"

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.