Bill Investigator T-Shirts

'Is this for wiping greasy hands? No, it's your itemized bill.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

Giant pandas doing surveillance in a zoo.

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

He's making a list --- Holmes solves cases quicker when he itemizes deductions.

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

Office of the Special Investigator: Stepped out to follow the 'money trail'.

'I believe the murderer is in this very room.'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

Explorer with enormous magnifying glass.

"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

"Say, Chief, any progress on the pencil case?"

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

"So then how do you explain trigonometry, tough guy!"

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.

CSI Wonderland. (Photographer takes a picture of a cracked Humpty Dumpty. Investigators collect evidence from the scene.)