Bill Inspector Pillows

"Oh for goodness' sake, Brian. As if our gas bill wasn't high enough already!"

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'Are you ready for your FISCAL examination?'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

Alice Through the Looking Glass - 'Tickets Please!'

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

IRS Audit Section

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

'You think he overheard my last lecture on tax code revision?'

'Where's the circus, buddy?'

Tax Collector

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

Big Loan, Little Deposit Bank

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

'He's trying to persuade the Inland Revenue that it's a tax haven.'

'Will you bring in Mr.Harris' file - you'll find it under 'U' for unbelievable.'

'I know a lot of folks get us confused, but I'm actually taxes!'

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

"I now represent both death and taxes."

Industrial Injuries Benefit.

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

'Please help me! Every payday, I get robbed some gangsters called 'Fiscal Authority'!

I.R.S.: 'All's fair in love & taxes'.

'The Buck (after taxes) Stops Here.'

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

'Sorry, you must have the wrong person, I don't pay income tax.'

'I hate to tell you this, but there was a hole in my pocket, and I lost the budget surplus.'

Man takes sandwiches left beneath a 'please take one' sign

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

'I've invested my heart and soul in this company. I need a receipt for tax purposes.'

I.R.S. - Attention Investors! Remember to 'Buy low, sell high' so we can collect capital gains tax!