Tax Inspector Pillows

"No it doesn't stand for Vodka and Tonic."

'Take my advice, stop thinking of it as your money.'

To err is human and subject to penalty

'When I die, please cremate me and send my ashes to the tax office. . .Write on the envelope, 'Now, you have everything.''

'Your repeated questioning as to whether I've been a 'good boy' has no relevance Mr Claus. I still need to see your accounts!'

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

'The only thing that is certain in life is death and taxes!'

'It's death and taxes to see you - taxes wants to come in first.'

Inland Revenue VAT - "Mr Batson, the consequences are here."

'I've invested my heart and soul in this company. I need a receipt for tax purposes.'

'I'm sorry, but to lower your taxes you're going to have to make more money.'

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

I.R.S. in god we trust - all others we audit

'The IRS is here to bite the hand that feeds it.'

'I haven't found anything wrong with your books yet, but it's OK for you to go ahead and worry a bit longer.'

Diagram showing: now/later, taxes/death, rock/hard place

'Incredible deductions, Mr. Holmes.'

"First of all I'd like to congratulate you on your cunning and ingenuity."

I.R.S. - Attention Investors! Remember to 'Buy low, sell high' so we can collect capital gains tax!

'Survived the audit'

"There's no getting away from you guys."

"Which set of books do you want?"

Beware Tax Rebate Scammers...

"That's the last time we do our own taxes!"

"You're a hard man to trace, Mr Fenton."

'I'm having trouble supporting a wife and a government on the same salary.'

'What do you mean - 'conscientious objector'?'

Yes, this is your VAT inspector.

"Oh that - that's blood I got out of a turnip."

'Are you trying to tell me you spent five and a half million on gifts?'

'We'd like to see your taking-from-the-rich-and-giving-to-the-poor accounts for the last three years.'

Tax inspector: 'You didn't imagine you could get away from us that easily, did you?'

'You can claim your dependents on yout tax returns, but not your codependents.'

'I'll be honest with you - the government can't get buy on what you're making.'

'Will you bring in Mr.Harris' file - you'll find it under 'U' for unbelievable.'