Bikram Warrior Gifts

"I'm used to this from doing Bikram yoga."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'This computer has a fast modem, the latest Pentium, increased RAM, a huge hard drive and broadband connections. Only one problem...slow pointer fingers.'

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

It's all fixed. Just don't type anything that contains the letter ‘E'.

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

'No, boss, this isn't a secret code. My spell check is broken and this is what my typing actually looks like.'

'Sorry, Kevin. You have given an incorrect command.'

'If someone sent an email and the National Security Agency did not spy on it, would it still be an email?'

"...And it's a lot faster than a divorce!"

Computer Life

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

Minister Starts at a New Church

'Why is it when you hit two keys by mistake, the one you don't want appears on the screen?'

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

New technologies.

"Why are they being so mean to us?"

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

"I have a protein drink every day for lunch, because I never have to chew."

"Yes, you did close some of your tabs. However, you still have 1,894 open. You're a tab hoarder."

'I told him over and over again never to press 'delete' more than twice!'

"Squeeze a monkey! They've only gone and taken all the blanket again!"

"I meant to let Mr. Goldman know I’d be happy to work on Saturday, but I accidentally typed, ‘I hope your house is infested by termites.’"

'Ahh...I see you travelling far and wide on a long fruitless mission but you still can't find a town centre parking space this Christmas...'

Man types with beer on his computer.

'Data, data everywhere!'

Two office workers playing between their cubicles.

"Long time commenter, first time reader. . ."

I love geeks

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

"Stick with CAPS LOCK and SHIFT keys. You are not ready for CONTROL AND COMMAND!"