Big Pharma Watchdog Gifts

Opioid Lawsuits

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"If they can rig emissions tests, why can't they fake crash tests too?"

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

"According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything."

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

Minister rubbishes private sector hospital initiative.

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

Prescription Drugs '96.

Profits for Big Pharma

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

Consumer Protection Agency/Manufacturer Protection Agency

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

'Harlow, do you wnat to be part of the problem or part of the coverup?'

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

'The problem is that you're overmedicated. Luckily there are drugs that can help with that.'

'Generics of generics - that's the way we'll go.'

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

"Do we wait for it to be approved as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as furniture polish?"

"I'm sorry, Mr Percival, but what you've got is not economically treatable."

"Do a double-blind test. Give the new drug to rich patients and a placebo to the poor. No sense getting their hopes up. They couldn't afford it even if it works."

If you thought that congress was going to work to drive down prescription drugs costs. . . dream on.

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

"It's the same experimental drug but now it's in a cupcake."

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

'And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?'

"We used to think sugar and spice were all things nice - until that was proved to be a lie put out by global food manufacturers."