Bidding Warrior Pillows

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

They loved the presentation on competing in the marketplace.

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

"A wage increase to match inflation."

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"Congratulations! You've won the bid."

'So far we're holding off overseas competition.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

House hunting is cruel.

America's Biggest Export...

'Enough EBAY already!'

Scared employees and manager fighting recession (dragon).

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

"Well, they were the low bidders."

'It may be industrial strength Crazy Glue©, but substituting it for welds isn't the way to be low bidder.'

'Sold! $287,500 to bidder #349!'

"I'm off to the sales!"

"My bid falls between my two competitors'. By using twigs, my design is more structurally sound than straw, yet more cost-effective than brick."

'Surely it is no longer legal to include 'deposit of your first-born child'?'

"Do I have a cough, a harumph, a wink, a tic? Sold then to the smirk for a million-five."

"Hello?"

"I brought this electric guitar on ebay last week."

Auctioneer upside down so he can read bid number

'Have you been reading the financial pages again?'

Rodin's Late Arriver

Idiot! I told you there'd be a catch to buying a tank on eBay

Woman sells on eBay and husband bids on same item.

'Blake Construction lost $500,000 on the Fenton Job. Thank God they underbid us by $100.'