Bid Bigwig Pillows

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'Guess who made a bushel today?'

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

"Congratulations! You've won the bid."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

"That one killed my manservant, it fell on his head while he was vacuuming the carpet."

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

"Well, they were the low bidders."

'It may be industrial strength Crazy Glue©, but substituting it for welds isn't the way to be low bidder.'

'I hope this reform really hurts!!'

"I've got a lot of stuff, a ton of coupons, and I pay by check, so all you behind me...get comfortable!"

Pollution and money

"Do I have a cough, a harumph, a wink, a tic? Sold then to the smirk for a million-five."

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."

Species: A single, distinct kind of plant or animal having certain distinguishing characteristics.

Rodin's Late Arriver

'Does that include the fishing rod?'

Auctioneer upside down so he can read bid number

Idiot! I told you there'd be a catch to buying a tank on eBay

"I brought this electric guitar on ebay last week."

"We're making some real progress, except, of course, you're still holding a gun."

Although they knew it had no practical applications, they couldn't help but be jealous of Jeb's shiny new 19-wheeler.

Woman sells on eBay and husband bids on same item.

Coming to a crossroads in his life, Pinnochio faced a difficult decision.

"I'm a corporate tax consultant... I've got a loophole named after me..!

'Cromwell, you remind me of myself at your age... only richer.'