Bickering Gifts

"Have we got time for a quick argument before our programme starts..?"

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

Dog phrenology

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

"I yip, therefore I am."

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

'I hate the moods yuo wake up in!'

One giant bark for dogkind.

"Instead of a bedtime story, how about strapping a bottle rocket to your doll and setting it off in your little brother’s room?" "Brad was a terrible father."

"Since when did your time spend being man's best friend become billable hours."

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

'He's barking mad!'

'Here comes Ted.'

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

Caution: Feeding the dogs under the table leads to the next inevitable step.

'Baby sand shark eat their siblings.'

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'Hunger is a terrible thing, especially around dinner time!'

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

'Sure, Dog Shows can be stressful, but I just love the time and attention Master gives me while preparing for them...'

Doggy $100 and don't ask again.

Beware of Dogs

'No, the Patriot Act doesn't make it all right for you to read your sister's diary!'