Bibliophile Satire Gifts

The nations most brought but unread books.

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

Bureaucracy gone mad!

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

'Bront?saurus.'

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

The Modern Damocles -

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

The Unknown Philosopher, who first realised life is no picnic.

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

ENNUI...(smiley face).

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

'5.40pm on the 2nd day....and still waiting for the surveyor'

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

The Milbrook Verney chair in literature. The C.K. Frebish endowment for footnotes.

Well done, Harris. That's one of the straightest paperclips I've ever seen.

Hamlet.

"Could you speed it up a little, the 'Seinfeld' marathon starts in five minutes."

Art Vandalism

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

'Never to be seen again!"

Might Versus Right.

"Bring me the head of John the Baptist. Just kidding. Get me the Paulson file."

'A role model? Yes, I suppose he was. Everywhere he went, people would say 'That's Bill Fenton... You don't want to be that guy!''

"You like woodwork class then, son?"

'...All I can say is, the judge was adamant about his gag order on the case.'

'Eve, I think we should see other people.'