Beverage Exploration Prints

'I hate making decisions - just bring me a bottle of each.'

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

Low-Energy Drinks

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

'We get our draft straight from the brewery.'

Bottle Distillery

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

"It's from the local micro brewery..."

'Malty tasking.'

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

Wine taster with mineral water

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

Fount of eternal youth/brewery.

'What's wrong with him?' - 'He drank a glass of water by mistake.'

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

Complaints Desk

California Beverages Map

What's your most popular drink? Why do you want to know? Why base your order on what other people are buying? Don't be a follower. Be your own man. If you're unfamiliar with a drink, ask what's in it and decide for yourself whether that sounds good. Or better yet, live a little. Take a risk. Choose a drink you've never had at random and see where it takes you. You only have one life. Don't live it following in the footsteps of other people. That's kind of harsh. No, it's the name of the drink.

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

Wine of the Day Club

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

"So much for that vintage!"

'Well, it was just a first draft.'

"...an excellent fighting lager with just a hint of park bench."

'This wasn't quite what I had in mind when you suggested 'alternative medicine''

'Beer? Wassat then?'

Real Beer People

Ernie is a master brewer! He's highly skilled in every phase of the beer-making process! Business is booming at our craft beer pub! Ernie, are those ladies old enough to buy beer? I didn't ask for I.D. I didn't want to violate the no "dating" the customers policy. Ernie is an absolute genius about beer, but lacks common sense about everything else! (Published originally on Nov. 8, 2015.)

'If you're worried what to say you do for a living at your reunion, just tell them you recently bought a large stake in a local brewery.'