Beverage Analyst Pillows

'The one on the left is a beverage analyst for Huff & Swoon, and the one on the right is a drunk; or is it the other way around?'

'We let 65 people try the '03 Malbec and told them they couldn't just describe it as 'good'. The result: 65 said it was 'very good'.'

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"This brew is quite hoppy - they must of added too much toad."

Low-Energy Drinks

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"They’re real."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

Wine taster with mineral water

'What's wrong with him?' - 'He drank a glass of water by mistake.'

Wine of the Day Club

What's your most popular drink? Why do you want to know? Why base your order on what other people are buying? Don't be a follower. Be your own man. If you're unfamiliar with a drink, ask what's in it and decide for yourself whether that sounds good. Or better yet, live a little. Take a risk. Choose a drink you've never had at random and see where it takes you. You only have one life. Don't live it following in the footsteps of other people. That's kind of harsh. No, it's the name of the drink.

'The travel agent says there's nothing available on the port side. Do you want me to see if she's got anything on the sherry side?'

"Don't feel bad. The rest of us can't hold our liquor either."

'The sedative wears off in an hour. With the attached transmitter we can monitor his trading volume and patterns, commissions and mating rituals.'

'And this is my dad. He's the wine critic for The Herald and he can drink your dads under the table.'

'Remember young brave to always face evil without fear...To have our tribe on foam and underwear!'

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

"Brandy, coffee, decaf, herb tea, or cran-apple?"

"One man's dirty water is another man's Earl Grey."

Scientific Tea.

Good duck, bad duck.

The Corkscrew Thrower

Before you learn to make the perfect ale, my son, you must first learn to make the perfect little bowl of nuts and pretzels.

They said he couldn't have a two-liter soda, and he just went crazy!

No Cheap Fuel Ahead: Easy Street Ends.

Grinds

'I think globally but I drink locally!'

'Our small drink is medium, our medium is large, and our large is illegal.'