Beverage Analyst Gifts

'The one on the left is a beverage analyst for Huff & Swoon, and the one on the right is a drunk; or is it the other way around?'

'We let 65 people try the '03 Malbec and told them they couldn't just describe it as 'good'. The result: 65 said it was 'very good'.'

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

"This brew is quite hoppy - they must of added too much toad."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

Low-Energy Drinks

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"They’re real."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

Wine taster with mineral water

'What's wrong with him?' - 'He drank a glass of water by mistake.'

'The travel agent says there's nothing available on the port side. Do you want me to see if she's got anything on the sherry side?'

Wine of the Day Club

'The sedative wears off in an hour. With the attached transmitter we can monitor his trading volume and patterns, commissions and mating rituals.'

"One man's dirty water is another man's Earl Grey."

"Brandy, coffee, decaf, herb tea, or cran-apple?"

'And this is my dad. He's the wine critic for The Herald and he can drink your dads under the table.'

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

Scientific Tea.

Good duck, bad duck.

The Corkscrew Thrower

No Cheap Fuel Ahead: Easy Street Ends.

'I think globally but I drink locally!'

Grinds

'I hate making decisions - just bring me a bottle of each.'

'How do I know we need to turn down the filtration system? - This is our cabernet sauvignon.'

'Our small drink is medium, our medium is large, and our large is illegal.'

'This snack is vegan. It's 100% artificial ingredients.'