Betting Banterer Pillows

'We may have done better if the jockey had carried the horse round!'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Wine Talking

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

Post Game Day Betting.

'There's been unexpected complications involving your husband's bill.'

'Oh for God's sake just ignore it!'

"Sipsies?"

"I'd say my favourite wine is the sixth one."

Musical Accidents

A breakthrough moment for the Wright brothers. How about some wings with that?

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

"You mock, sir—you mock a sport storied and beloved. I, sir, pity you."

CartoonStock Upload"You are an all-round good guy!"

'Hey carrot-breath! You still mad cause we ran you a little today? Hounds gotta make a living too, ya know.'

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

Special Euro 2020 Menu: Humble Pie

'Stop me when I start extolling the virtues of socialism.'

Instant human... just add coffee

'What you look at it? You want a piece of me, is that what you want?'

Bartender: 'Take it from me buddy,stay clear of that one.She's only interested in your money.'

"It's the big guy."

'I'll take Tommy Peters to cry first, for a nickel.'

"No one has a higher opinion of you than I do and my opinion couldn't be lower!"

-"It would have been a photo finish..." -"Yes, but by the time our horse got there it was too dark for a photo!"

'Let's face it Sid. In this pub a 'Happy Hour' is one without a punch up...'

Yeah, but I hear she lays a mean Scotch egg.

Next in business news we report on companies facing financial difficulties. Who's a good boy?! You are! Purr purr purr. You sound just like a motor boat. I will never understand human financial issues. The reporters were saying going belly up is a bad thing.

What year is this? Pardon? Aromatic. Full-bodied. Very approachable. Buttery. Swish swish swish. Yet with aggressive undertones, and an unforgiving aftertaste. Acidic after all. I should like another year. Something crisp yet dry. It's instant decaf coffee brewer with tap water! He's quite aggressive. And not so full-bodied. Pretentious people stink.

"What are we actually celebrating here tonight?"

Baseball player: 'I'll let my bat do my talking!' BAT: '...I have nothing to say'

"Go on, impress me." "I can talk to animals."

"10/1 says I lose the next bet."