Betting Banterer Pillows

'We may have done better if the jockey had carried the horse round!'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Wine Talking

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

Post Game Day Betting.

'There's been unexpected complications involving your husband's bill.'

'Oh for God's sake just ignore it!'

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

"Sipsies?"

"I'd say my favourite wine is the sixth one."

Musical Accidents

CartoonStock Upload"You are an all-round good guy!"

"You mock, sir—you mock a sport storied and beloved. I, sir, pity you."

'Hey carrot-breath! You still mad cause we ran you a little today? Hounds gotta make a living too, ya know.'

'Stop me when I start extolling the virtues of socialism.'

Special Euro 2020 Menu: Humble Pie

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

Instant human... just add coffee

'What you look at it? You want a piece of me, is that what you want?'

'I'll take Tommy Peters to cry first, for a nickel.'

"No one has a higher opinion of you than I do and my opinion couldn't be lower!"

Bartender: 'Take it from me buddy,stay clear of that one.She's only interested in your money.'

"It's the big guy."

-"It would have been a photo finish..." -"Yes, but by the time our horse got there it was too dark for a photo!"

Baseball player: 'I'll let my bat do my talking!' BAT: '...I have nothing to say'

"Things are going well, so I may as well ask: how about those Mets? Ha-ha, just kidding. The tail. Please fix this tail thing."

"10/1 says I lose the next bet."

"Go on, impress me." "I can talk to animals."

"What are we actually celebrating here tonight?"

'Let's face it Sid. In this pub a 'Happy Hour' is one without a punch up...'