Best Friends Gifts

'You've changed.'

"Once you get over the three hundred and sixty eight texts it took to plan this, it really is nice to get together."

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

"New Year's resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on squad goals."

"Now how did she know?"

"If dogs are supposed to be man's best friend, how come he doesn't have us listed with his other facebook friends?"

'That's his foot, that's his heart, that's a lego you swallowed at some point... weirdo.'

Double Wedding

"Do you always have to over pack, Alice!"

Scary Movies!

Dancing children

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Shepherd and eurydice

"Behold the secret to happiness."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Come dine with me!

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'