Benevolent Teaser Gifts

I want to get Rudy a Christmas gift. What would he like? Seriously? Yes, seriously. Maybe I do spend all day mercilessly taunting him, driving him to the point of tears ... But that doesn't mean I can't give him his heart's desire for Christmas. Sometimes people still surprise me. Then I can remind him for years that I bought him a gift and he didn't buy me one! But usually not.

Snowprov

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

Woman Bishop with vacuum cleaner. Vicar saying 'It's to appease the traditionalists.'

Essential Oils/Forbidden Fruit.

'Bottle nose! Bottle nose!'

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

I confess, I'm one of the bloggers that's hurting the journalism business. You? I blog stories about my local community. You have journalistic training? Of course. I've spent years watching Shepard Smith and Montel Williams. The visitor wept with respect. Shoot me.

'All profits go directly to charity'

'My dad says I'm good at training little animals - Sit, boy!'

"I'm giving up giving up!"

'Okay, I'm sorry I called you a cheeky monkey. Now, stop moaning and eat your banana!'

'Did you hear about the fool who goes around saying no all the time?'

'He calls me lambchop and I call him muttonhead.'

'I'm going back as a ghost. It's time to give something back to the community.'

"The media is always being criticised for criticising social worker..."

'I'm sorely tempted to give him a piece of my mind, but I suspect he's the one tempting me.'

'I revel in competition. I have two charities, right now, vying for my $50 donation.'

'HA! Look, Dad! My hair is so thick I've got my comb stuck in it ...again.'

'Darling, that memory course I've been doing, can you remember its web address.'

"Our charity would appreciate a donation, but I am not willing to fight you for it."

Green Pieces 90% Air

"I could see finding him a cool guy if I wasn't married to him."

'I don't know how you kids can sit around all day watching this garbage on television.'

'Mom! Betty lou called me a 'TWIRP' 'You are a twirp!'

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

Vicar Baiting

Fragrans Tortuosa

I couldn't find my other wig

'He's completely wrapped up in himself.'

Increase your IQ with an 'I'm with Stupid' T-shirt.

'Are you enjoying watching the telly off, on demand?'

"My uncle's got a wooden leg..."