Benefits Bemoaner Pillows

"We're looking for a workaholic with another job that'll provide the pension and health benefits we don't provide."

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

'Tired of fetching?'

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

But MOM! It's no fair being sick on a Saturday! Can't I take a rain check and be sick on Monday?

Retirement Issues

'Sleeping through Monday is the coward's way out!'

'We son't have any goal posts to move...I'm going to need your jackets...'

"Complaining empowers us."

"Tuesday mornings don't get enough respect. They should be hated just as much as Monday mornings."

"I went so quickly from hating Mondays to hating days."

Bob takes care of this monster-under-the-bed business once and for all.

Near-Death Excuses...

"Remember, son, keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and anyone who says 'Beer me' as far away as possible."

"Alexa, what fresh hell are we in for today?"

"It's Monday."

"Can't keep away, eh...?"

"While you're not busy we've a few more things we'd like you to do!"

Institute (brain).

New Year's Resolutions

"The first day back is always the worst."

'I hate Mondays!'

"Village church. Monday: Apocalypse. No bingo."

"Take the green pill to feel hunky, the yellow pill to feel dory."

'No matter what I try, it seems that I just keep coming back to the same place in my life.'

Disturbing fact: the first recorded boomerangs were made of mammoth tusk.

"I hate Mondays."

'Not to worry, Darling, we're only HALF cut!'

"The hotel was old and rotten, the service was lousy, but my wife really enjoyed the vacation because she had so much to moan about!"

'Now, let's just say the fan in Row C, Seat 4, is on your case. You just punch the coordinates into the computer...'

'Can you believe this bank? . . . Yesterday they refuse me a loan, today they send me a leaflet for a loan.'

'It seems we're not alone with that Monday morning feeling!'