Brew Banisher Pillows

"Remember, son, keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and anyone who says 'Beer me' as far away as possible."

Yoga for Alcoholics

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

"Ooh don't stop Bob, the last time you ran your fingers through my hair like this was on our wedding night!"

'You've had enough!'

"Oh, for heaven's sake. Use the spray!"

Bob takes care of this monster-under-the-bed business once and for all.

'Anything I can break has to go.'

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

Warning.

Ah, rain has stopped, now for the good life...

"You've just raided your last patch!"

This is a new talking copier, you've pushed the wrong button, mutton head!

"I say it's government-mandated broccoli, and I say the hell with it."

"I'm taking you off sugar, carbs, red meat, poultry, dairy, non-dairy and anything served in a bucket."

"Careful, this coffee is so black, not even light can escape!"

'I turn them loose in my cave. They're colorful, fun to watch and they eat bugs.'

"What are you going to do about it? Call an exterminator?"

"Wait, I just want to kill this fly."

"Why are you afraid of bugs? You outweigh the majority of them by 250 pounds."

Witness the power of this fully operational battle station

"You should've called me sooner!"

No Fly Zone.

'Now, let's just say the fan in Row C, Seat 4, is on your case. You just punch the coordinates into the computer...'

"Before you go out, I've warmed your wig in the microwave!"

"Do you sell insect-repellent?"

Cause phone solicitor's head to explode.

'Ere! I thought coffee was supposed to keep you AWAKE!'

Camp Security we'd like to see