Benefit System Satirist Pillows

'You're on benefits, Mr Scrote, I can't sign you off work - I can only sign you off LOOKING for work.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"It's all about you, isn't it?"

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'Doctors are all booked up. Nurse is busy. The best I can do is offer to type your symptoms into Google.'

'I think you have figured out that, with today's overcrowded prisons, pleading insanity will put you back on the streets..."

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

'The rich get richer, the poorer get poorer..' '..And the comfortably off stay comfortably off!'

"Parts and labor?"

Latest science behind social distancing advice

CEO slumber

"I will grant you three wishes. You should know, however, that after taxes it will be reduced to one and a half wishes."

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

'Last chance to give for next 400 yards.'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to have your butt kicked.'

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

"'Somewhere in between' is not an acceptable plea."

'Ever think that if you make another billion you'll be happy, and then you do, but you're not?'

Unnecessary Surgery

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

Emergency Covid Testing Clinic: Confirmed Cases Only

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

"This being Casual Friday, anyone have a frivolous lawsuit we can discuss?"

We were asked to pay out for a fire started when a dog urinated on a Christmas tree.

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'

'I'm happy to say this makes grim reading.'

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'