Benefit System Satirist Pillows

'You're on benefits, Mr Scrote, I can't sign you off work - I can only sign you off LOOKING for work.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"It's all about you, isn't it?"

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

'Doctors are all booked up. Nurse is busy. The best I can do is offer to type your symptoms into Google.'

'I think you have figured out that, with today's overcrowded prisons, pleading insanity will put you back on the streets..."

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

Latest science behind social distancing advice

"Parts and labor?"

'The rich get richer, the poorer get poorer..' '..And the comfortably off stay comfortably off!'

CEO slumber

"I will grant you three wishes. You should know, however, that after taxes it will be reduced to one and a half wishes."

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

'Last chance to give for next 400 yards.'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to have your butt kicked.'

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

"'Somewhere in between' is not an acceptable plea."

'Ever think that if you make another billion you'll be happy, and then you do, but you're not?'

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

Japan Is Building Conversation Robots for the Elderly. What Would Robots for Old Americans Look Like?

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

Unnecessary Surgery

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

Emergency Covid Testing Clinic: Confirmed Cases Only

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

"This being Casual Friday, anyone have a frivolous lawsuit we can discuss?"

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'

'In with the warden !'

'I'm sorry, Buchanan, our company health plan remains in effect only if you don't get sick.'