Benefit Fraud Investigator Pillows

"Take me to your benefits office."

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

'That's part of the reason for our problem. We lost the key to the door.'

'Well you checked my £20 note so I'm checking the change you gave me!'

"You have been specially selected to upload your bank details. Offer ends midnight."

Industrial Injuries Benefit.

Fake Counterfeit Money

"Forget the bloody glove for a moment; ignore all the arguments about the DNA evidence and try to remember that this case, after all, is about securities violations."

"Let's have a moment's silence to remember the profits we used to make."

"Of course he's smiling, he spent all the company profits before he died."

"With so many applicants for a few jobs, we can lower the pay and drop the benefits!"

"I think they're beginning to suspect our science is fraudulent."

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

'To be honest I generally only deal with clients by phone or email.'

Berlitz guide to Scamese

"About your self employed expenses, do you do anything purely for pleasure?"

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

'You're offering me a job, eh? -- does it have portable benefits?'

"If we're the Serious Fraud Squad, how come we're looking for funny money?"

'We're going to wander in the desert for forty years? What about portability of benefits?'

'Since you stole my identity I thought I'd bring you the rest of the package.'

'Right... twenty squats and fifty press ups or no fit note.'

'To prevent fraud, we like to verify whiplash injury claims!'

Three Little Pigs Insurance Scam.

Leave one of your names with my secretary.

Identity theft' is a big risk these days... criminals assuming your persona to commit fraud...' '...so I got a quote for 'identity theft insurance' last week... it was a lot cheaper than I'd anticipated.' 'Apparently my personality is only a 'Group 3'.'

"This is an imaginative expenses claim. I wish we could use those skills of yours in the business."

"It's not a coupons. It's a printout from your health insurer warning you to cut back on the carbs."

"Will he ever be able to produce revenue again?"

'Are you aware of the penalty for insurance fraud?'

Frivolous Fraud Squad

"You promised an advance...but this is more of a tactical withdrawal."