Bell Collectors T-Shirts

'He only plays them once a day. At 4 in the morning.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'Teenagers!'

"What colour do you have to get before the big kids leave you alone?"

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Try me/try me/try me...

'It must be the dead sea.'

"Nuts to you, too."

Black Belt/Yellow Belt/Green Belt/No Belt.

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'It seats two comfortably.'

If you hold the conch up to your ear, you can hear the ocean swearing at you.

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'We would like to buy three rings... Engagement, wedding and teething!'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Feeling for shells

'Enter, His Royal Globalness...'

'Yes, our phones have WIRES attached to them! We're no free-range blabbermouths in this household!'

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

"Oh that, that's my holiday home."

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

'Try his land line.'

'Hi, I'm looking for something small and portable!'

"I can hear the sea boiling."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'Of course you can hear the ocean,we're standing next to it.'

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"I wonder what this was for."

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."