Believer With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

God says no to praying woman.

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

Pastoring for Dummies

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"

Minister's File

"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."

A virtue of vicars

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

Church: 'We reserve the right to refuse salvation to anyone.'

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

"Is your church up for the 'Best Media Coverage' award?"

Church Open 51 Sundays Per Year, Closed Superbowl Sunday

Priest to congregation, "I'm no different to you just because I wear a dog collar."

REPENT, 'Hey! -- Go find your own corner!'

'Don't worry it's safe, the baptismal is filled with hand sanitizer."

"A representative from headquarters to see you, sir."

Jesus Fish

"Thank you for holding, your prayers have advanced in the queue and will be answered by the next available deity."

"I'd like to welcome you all to today's Easter service!"