Believer In Star Signs Gifts

Man convinced by a flattering character sketch

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

Ill next Thursday

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

GOP presidental candidates on science!: 'Billions for astrollogers! Zero for astronomers!' s

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'So what's your sign?'

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

'...George isn't in right now, but you can email him at...'

'Ha ha! You've been afraid of someone else's future!'

". . . and in the corner to my right, weighing 217 pounds, fighting as a Capricorn with Capricorn rising and Mars conjunct Uranus in the fifth, out of Beaufort, South Carolinaaa. . ."

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

'Why, yes, I am a Capricorn...how did you know?'

Horoscope: Sagittarius. You could visualize the results of some of your plans when the perfect partner comes to your aid.

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks, His moooooon was in Taurus!'

Joan was a true believer in Astrology. However, this was the first time she had come face to face with a real member of the Zodiac... a giant scorpio!

"Her Taurus was in opposition to my Libra."

'...and according to our star signs we're perfectly matched!'

"I know it's a little old-fashioned, but I'm a Capricorn, and I thought it would be romantic if I carried you over the cusp of our First House."

"Wow! I bet you're a Pisces or Aquarius!"

'True, the Ezra Yomp Scholarship is very generous, but you have to be a capricorn to apply.'

'And our star signs are perfectly compatible!'

'Capricorns have all the luck.'

What star sign are you, let me guess...libra?

'Here's your problem. The software was manufactured in November and your computer was manufactured in February. Sagittarius is incompatible with Aquarius.'

"And if I move Mercury over here, all the Libras go nuts."

Pisces

'That's cute. You're a Virgo and I'm a vegetarian.'