Believer In Second Chances Gifts

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

"I hope I get rock and you get scissors, or I get scissors and you get paper, or I get paper and you get rock."

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

'It's my latest novel, 'Hard Times' part 2.'

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

'Heads we declare bankruptcy, tails we try to buy out a profitable megacorp...'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"Mr. Caldwell comes to us from a minimum-security correctional facility in Pennsylvania."

Leaving America to chance, the USA being eaten by a die

'Yes, I would like to go on a second honeymoon, provided it was with my second husband!'

"We'll double our chances of recovery if we buy two lottery tickets."

Factory Rejects Inc.

'Your divorce was so mature, balanced, rational...you want to throw that all away with a reconciliation?'

"Bob said his decisions were only 30% correct...so he's trying to increase his odds."

'True but only in practice, not in principle.'

Second marriage vows.

'If I could live my life over, I'd need a really big loan.'

'I was groped, rolled and cursed at by a bunch of losers. How was your day?'

Bob walked away from the halfway house – but only got halfway.

'I bet the farm at roulette and won. What am I going to do now with 37 farms?'

'I've just discovered how much we two have in common - including my boyfriend!'

Behind closed doors at the extremely complicated job of determining long weekend gas prices.

"Oh, definitely, I feel there's a reason I was given a second chance."

"Yep, I was the little runt you used to tease all the time! Guess what, I had a late growth spurt..."

Field of Broken Dreams

"It's nice you want to spend more time with the family, but the kids grew up and left home years ago."

"My lucky stone! I left it on the porch to protect us from intruders!"

'Do you believe in luck?' 'No.' 'Of course you do! Otherwise how would you explain the success of those people you dislike?'

'Excuse me, can I borrow your pin?'

"My husband and I were divorced too young. It didn't last."