Belief System Philosopher Pillows

"Santa Claus is no longer part of my belief system."

Church Parking Lot Contains Nothing But Handicap Spaces

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Tomorrow will be mainly sunny, but with some scattered showers..."

Welcome: Skeptics Society

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"I'm not really into organized religion, though I am very spiritual."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

"No, you cannot have another planet. You only played with the last one for a week."

The only Universal Truths that all religions agree upon.

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"This isn't a bad time to be out of touch with reality."

Priest

"Nonsense - we're far less religious than you are."

Out for lunch... GOD

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

"So Jesus, what denomination are you?"

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

Analyst has an ink blot on a card for a head.

Your angel is always with you

'As to bond - while I personally have faith in your client the court cannot ignore the obvious risk of flight.'

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

'He became a dissident Dissident in protest at the Dissidents.'

"Perhaps we should accept her invitation to church. Then ask the priest questions during the sermon."

'So it wasn't b*****t after all.'

'I said you can't touch me - it's my religion.'

'But if He's omniscient, wouldn't praying just annoy him?'

Priest sees 'one way' sign point upwards toward heaven.