Belief System Philosopher Pillows

"Santa Claus is no longer part of my belief system."

Church Parking Lot Contains Nothing But Handicap Spaces

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Tomorrow will be mainly sunny, but with some scattered showers..."

Do you ever wonder if there's really a higher power? What do you mean? Is there an all-knowing being that keeps track of you? That always knows where you are

Welcome: Skeptics Society

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"I'm not really into organized religion, though I am very spiritual."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

"No, you cannot have another planet. You only played with the last one for a week."

The only Universal Truths that all religions agree upon.

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

"This isn't a bad time to be out of touch with reality."

Priest

"As slim as your chances are for salvation, it's nice to see you keep trying."

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

"Nonsense - we're far less religious than you are."

Out for lunch... GOD

"So Jesus, what denomination are you?"

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

"He's mad at God."

Your angel is always with you

Analyst has an ink blot on a card for a head.

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

'As to bond - while I personally have faith in your client the court cannot ignore the obvious risk of flight.'

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

'I said you can't touch me - it's my religion.'

'So it wasn't b*****t after all.'

'He became a dissident Dissident in protest at the Dissidents.'

"Perhaps we should accept her invitation to church. Then ask the priest questions during the sermon."