Belgian Foodie Gifts

"I didn't put this in my personal ad, but I'm synonymous with Belgian cuisine."

'I sent out for everything.'

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

Domestic Goddess.

"Even the waiters here are organic."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"You do like octopus?"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

What the Doctor Ordered

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

La Table

Fast food. Even faster food

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

'He made an excellent jelly.'

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"Rump roast?"

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.