Beer O'clock Economist Gifts

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'The secret to life, my friend, is hoppiness!'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"Just as I feared. Tariffs."

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'I thought up the term 'too big to fail'. So where's my bonus?'

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai

"The usual? Or will you be having our 'stimulus package'?"

"It's amazing! There's even a place to put your beer!"

There IS a Santa Claus.

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

"Santa's trying to corner the futures market for coal in anticipation of his visit to Washington."

Investments: Still Open to New Investors - 'A fool & his money fund.'

"'Ere -what's YOUR problem...?"

"So, Ben, what do you want to be when you stop sponging off your parents?"

"I swear, Eddie, you ought to be on with Bill Moyers."

"...Or we could give to the rich, and it would just trickle down to the poor."

"We're trying to put the fun back into filing taxes."

"Twenty percent bluechips, ten percent small-caps, five percent currency hedges and the remainder in cash. Get that list to Santa right away."

"An aluminum baseball bat? Are you kidding? With the tariffs, my raw material costs are up 25%. How about some soybeans?"

Recession tips & taxes

I'm actually here as part of an ongoing quest to find the ideal form of analysis. Freudian didn't work, and Jungian didn't help, so I thought I'd try Pabstian.

More toxic assets.

Akme National Bank: Our Assets Can Whip Your Assets.

'The dollar fell against all major currencies this morning, and then, while getting up, bumped its head, REALLY HARD, on some sort of coffee table. I'm afraid that's all we have right now. Stay tuned for further updates.'

'Government economists said today's stock market drop was due to 'normal gravitational forces'.'

'Today, a downturn in 'social conscience' stocks on news that 'nice guys finish last'.'

'Thank you for participating in the 'Redistribution of Wealth' movement.'