Beeping Banter Gifts

"Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there. I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

"It takes me only one drink to get drunk. Its either the seventh or eighth."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

The Art of Bantering!

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

'Here comes Ted.'

'You're looking well.'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

'I don't know much about Art, but i can tell you all about his wife.'

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'