Bedtime Routine Magician Pillows

'Oops! It says administer at bedtime. Guess that makes it bedtime.'

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

The louder the kid, the tighter the lid.

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

Bedtime story.

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

No caption (A daughter shines a light from her cellphone as her dad makes a Twitter icon shadow puppet).

"Here’s a book with a pretty peacock on the cover. Let’s try this Flannery O’Connor story before bed."

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"I'm not saying a horrible creature lives under your bed."

"Today's special is puréed sweet potato on cracker."

"Read it again, Daddy!"

'She let the bedbugs bite.'