Bedtime Ritual Lover Gifts

"No, I want a story I already know all the words to."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"He's right―there is something under the bed!"

Bedtime story.

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

Father nursing his sick child

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

The Tooth Ferret

Fairtale prosecutions.

fairy tales

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

'See, there are no people in your closet. Now, go to sleep!'

"Can you read me a bedtime story about ponies, next time?"

'You see? There are no Wall Street millionaires under your bed.'

"I love wearing a sleeper. It's like I can walk around tucked in."

"Can I hear Goldilocks and the three hares?"

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

'... I couldn't remember if I had switched off the light!'

Monster fixing boy's car bed.

Please take them off

'If you're alone in here, who just said 'Ribbit'?'

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

Sleeping masks

"Oh, great. The bunny runs away and lives high on the hog on my tax dollars. Next!"