Bedtime Relaxation Gifts

Man using light to shield his eyes.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

Swan Fairy Tales

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'Where was the TSA?'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"Time for bed, guys."

'I've always loved your adventurousness in bed.'

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

Bedtime story.

'Cover me... I'm going in.'

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

'And you thought you grew big pumpkins.'

After 9pm Harry Lomax slips quietly into cruise control.

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

Fairtale prosecutions.

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

"And what's the story behind the story?"

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'