Bedtime Relaxation Gifts

Man using light to shield his eyes.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

Swan Fairy Tales

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'Where was the TSA?'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

"Time for bed, guys."

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'I've always loved your adventurousness in bed.'

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

'Cover me... I'm going in.'

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

Bedtime story.

'No sequel? No movie version? Just read me the big money makers like 'Harry Potter'.'

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

After 9pm Harry Lomax slips quietly into cruise control.

Fairtale prosecutions.

'And you thought you grew big pumpkins.'

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

"And what's the story behind the story?"