Bedtime Believers Pillows

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my payers now!"

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

Swan Fairy Tales

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'Where was the TSA?'

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'I've always loved your adventurousness in bed.'

Bedtime Stories with Gordon Ramsay

"Time for bed, guys."

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

'Cover me... I'm going in.'

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

Father nursing his sick child

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

'No sequel? No movie version? Just read me the big money makers like 'Harry Potter'.'

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

Fairtale prosecutions.

'And you thought you grew big pumpkins.'

'I wish we lived in one of those later time zones.'

Stop hogging the sheets

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

"And what's the story behind the story?"

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'