Bedroom Decorator Gifts

Bob's new mattress was firm but fair.

"And see how my assistant Mr Wilkins demonstrates the bounciness of the ZF-150 Divan."

Football addict

'Ah... you'll be wanting the King si...er...Queen size.'

How Snakes Sleep.

"Tonight, I get the closet. I was under the bed last night and my back is killing me!"

"Well, NOW I can't sleep worrying about how much we spent on this high-tech mattress!"

The Impact of Art on Society

'My husband is a police detective. He does know how to toss a room.'

"Keep your toenails short and they're fine."

Duvet nailed to the floor.

'He's had one of his nightmares again.'

Water bed.

'Tom, Roscoe has been with me for nine years. You have been with me only two years. When the sad day comes that Roscoe passes on, THEN you can move to this end of the bed.'

A Four-poster bed.

Sandman 'Oh no you don't! I just vacuumed in here today.'

Four beds labelled modern, abstract, surreal and cartoon

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Use your imagination.

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

"We're looking for something for our panic room."

'Come on, you can help me to choose some lovely wallpaper.'

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

"You're welcome."

"Too bright."