Bedroom Chef T-Shirts

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"You do like octopus?"

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

Party time.

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

'Hurry up you guys! I'm about to serve dinner!'

A chef teaches a classroom of other chefs how to properly flip something using a spatula.

"Was there a photo in the recipe book? I'd love to see what it's meant to look like."

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

Tedious Romantic.

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

' I said, you WIN, I'll pay your dorm rent!!!'

'Go on - they're organic!'

"These songbirds every morning at five A.M. would be really annoying if they weren't so damn talented."

"I bought you a cook book. Think of it as technical support."

"Happy thanksgiving!"

Thanksgiving 2020

Mankind's earliest ancestor emerges from the primordial ooze, closely followed by a prehistoric species of re-sealable plastic containers.

'We share the load - she cooks it, I eat it.'

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

Murderous Chef