Becoming Grandparents Gifts

'I remember when your dad still had a full mane and his own canines... back in his wild days.'

Where the wild things aren't.

'This whole 'grandparent' thing -- it's our parents and children conspiring against us!'

Mood Swings.

'The suspense is killing us. Which one is our grandchild?'

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

Grandparents Anonymous

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

City Zoo: Day Care

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

The Busy Gardener

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

I like the Jets...I guess

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

Children's Parties

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Wildlife

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"They grow up so fast."

Madonna of the Pukes.

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

The Zoo.