Beauty Therapist Gifts

The Tragedy of Prosperity

Complimentary medicine clinic: 'I just love what you've done with your hair!'

'Actually, I'm an athletic trainer. I just do hair removal on the side.'

'This won't hurt.'

'And you're really sure this tanning equipment is safe?'

Woman files God's nails.

Spa: Pamper yourself.

Tanning Salon: Free teeth whitening - while you tan!

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"She's had work done on those."

'Mom sure goes to the doctor a lot. She's always going to get something called her mani cured.'

'...because I personally rub it on.'

'Here, try this.'

'I've been wallowing in mud my whole life and look at me.'

'We're cutting staff - I'll keep your details on our file.'

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Well, at least you feel better."

"Who's idea was it to serve dressed-mutton?"

'Karla worries about being asked to take her shoes off at the airport.'

Tina's Nail Bar.

Beauty Salon - 'Do you offer an after sales helpline service?'

'-and how does Modom intend paying-Bank Loan,Lottery Win,second mortgage...?'

'Morag darlin', they've made you look like a hundred dollars!'

'My hair is so bad I have to cut it myself. I tried going to a hair salon once - they just yelled at it.'

"I had them made from a baboons ass."

Thick Skin Lotion

Bloomer Wax: 4 Pence

"Ok, so I'm a little late...no need to tear strips of me!"

Look younger in minutes - 100% Guaranteed!

"Light dark or crispy?"

"Well botox would help that big wrinkle, then a good quality hand cream, and maybe a manicure?..."

'My youngest provides me free mud.'

"Mrs. Barnes is to have a complete head-to-toe – she's to be the victim in a bandage-instruction class."

"I had the most horrible dream last night. I dreamed John L. Lewis came in to have his eyebrows plucked."

"Pedicure is booming, but manicure is dead."