Beauty Consultant Gifts

'A large Swiss Pharmaceuticals company has expressed serious interest in my potion.'

"Our foundation covers up just about anything ??" aside from childhood trauma."

Spot the face-lift.

"You can try make-up, but you're a banana...age spots are inevitable."

"Botox."

"Who can afford not to moisturize?"

'Do you have a shampoo for damaged hair?'

'I need a new scent.'

'We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?'

'This anti-ageing cream is well past it's sell-by date!'

'This nip and tuck business - can I have the tuck without the nip?'

'Sorry - My diary's full this week.' (Botox, liposuction, botox, implants, botox)

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

"It isn't fair! Why aren't thin lips fashionable?"

Our manicure special today is 'Text Message Tips.' I contour your nails so you can hit all those tiny little keys!

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

'I think it is a side effect of the herbal shampoo you're using.'

Beauty and the beast

'Wait. Let me just stop you there!'

Cosmetics Councer - 'Lip Schtick.'

"You got your face lifted!"

"This is our most impressive magnifying mirror, it sees down to your DNA."

A little powder and a little paint makes a girl what she ain't!

"One day, I'll have teeth like pearls...skin like silk...and a mind like a steel trap!"

"How'd you get rid of all your wrinkles?"

"...and the women who used the placebo makeup turned out to be just as attractive."

Age-Spot Removal Offer!

"No tat's not your wife sir, she's stood right behind you."

"We don't do boobs jobs, but if it's bee-stung lips you're after. . ."

"Our breast implants are filled with helium so in addition to larger breasts you will also weigh less."

Face Mask Beauty

Shampoos: Straight, Wavy and Curly

"I don'y know who did her, but when she laughs the wrinkles go in very weird directions."

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."