Beauty Theorist T-Shirts

The Beauty of Physics

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

Woman looking into a mirror

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

"Define fair."

The Tragedy of Prosperity

'My hair is so bad I have to cut it myself. I tried going to a hair salon once - they just yelled at it.'

Complete Makeover

A small man under a giant microscope.

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

"Mrs. Barnes is to have a complete head-to-toe – she's to be the victim in a bandage-instruction class."

'Who did you have lick your hair?'

"It turns out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

Animal cosmetic testing

'No, it's not a special on the Grand Canyon. It's an actor's face in high definition.'

Martina Klein

"She's had work done on those."

'Isn't it enough to have long hair?'

God's Manicure.

"Who's idea was it to serve dressed-mutton?"

'I'd like to move into aromatherapy.'

'Google Earth is getting SO precise! Right now, I'm zoomed in on Kathy Mangiante's face and I can tell she's had lip implants!'

'See, I told you you were beautiful.'

Frank and Ernest Updated Fairy Tales. Do you mean fair like "pretty" or fair like "evenhanded"?

"The cost of a haircut? It depends on what's in your underpants."

Spa: Pamper yourself.

"May I say that's a lovely combination of cyclomethicone, triisostearin, and propylene carbonate you're wearing today, Dr. Thomas!"

Look younger in minutes - 100% Guaranteed!

"Yeah, I agree, it is a but unexpected since you were such a handsome caterpillar..."

"In my culture it is very important to have straight teeth."

TV Programme - Celebrity cosmetically enhanced body parts.

'I've tried everything. My skin is still as dry as an elephant's trunk.'

'Is this your first makeover, Mr. Quasimodo?'