Beauty Theorist T-Shirts

The Beauty of Physics

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

Woman looking into a mirror

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

"Define fair."

The Tragedy of Prosperity

'My hair is so bad I have to cut it myself. I tried going to a hair salon once - they just yelled at it.'

Complete Makeover

A small man under a giant microscope.

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

"Mrs. Barnes is to have a complete head-to-toe – she's to be the victim in a bandage-instruction class."

'Who did you have lick your hair?'

Animal cosmetic testing

'No, it's not a special on the Grand Canyon. It's an actor's face in high definition.'

"She's had work done on those."

"Who's idea was it to serve dressed-mutton?"

'Google Earth is getting SO precise! Right now, I'm zoomed in on Kathy Mangiante's face and I can tell she's had lip implants!'

'See, I told you you were beautiful.'

'I'd like to move into aromatherapy.'

God's Manicure.

'Isn't it enough to have long hair?'

"The cost of a haircut? It depends on what's in your underpants."

Spa: Pamper yourself.

"May I say that's a lovely combination of cyclomethicone, triisostearin, and propylene carbonate you're wearing today, Dr. Thomas!"

'I was born as beautiful as you, but after a few years you will see...'

TV Programme - Celebrity cosmetically enhanced body parts.

Bloomer Wax: 4 Pence

'I've tried everything. My skin is still as dry as an elephant's trunk.'

'My friend here would like to try the Brazilian.'

"Yeah, I agree, it is a but unexpected since you were such a handsome caterpillar..."

'Is this your first makeover, Mr. Quasimodo?'