Beauty Standard Challenger T-Shirts

Adam & Eve Sans Razor

"Girlfriend, you're not fat. You're just retaining a little water."

"Of course I love your long hair Rapunzel. But maybe you could shave your legs just once in a while?"

"I became invisible to men once I gained weight."

Hag for Life

Bridget Malcolm

People Magazine: Sexiest Man Available

"What? It's been ten years. . . She's had six kids for goodness sake. She can't still be the fairest of them all!"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

Missing my hair.

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

"I don't think there's anything wrong with your fitness watch: It's just that you haven't moved enough to trigger it..."

"She's genetically modified, you know."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

Bar Refaeli

Veni, Vidi, Vici, Mani, Pedi.

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

Whatever look you were aiming for..you missed!

"My talent agent tells me I have the perfect face for a hand model."

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Romee Strijd caricature

Katy Perry

'It's the least I can do. I don't have enough money to get cloned.'

We're never going to lose weight if we don't get rid of the fridge light.

'I reduce my stress with comfort food. Now none of my clothes are comfortable.'

A bald man is chasing his toupee with a butterfly net

'I was born as beautiful as you, but after a few years you will see...'

'I got him for self defense. Boze eats my wife's leftovers.'