Beauty Standard Challenger Pillows

Adam & Eve Sans Razor

"Girlfriend, you're not fat. You're just retaining a little water."

"Of course I love your long hair Rapunzel. But maybe you could shave your legs just once in a while?"

"I became invisible to men once I gained weight."

Hag for Life

"What? It's been ten years. . . She's had six kids for goodness sake. She can't still be the fairest of them all!"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Missing my hair.

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

"I don't think there's anything wrong with your fitness watch: It's just that you haven't moved enough to trigger it..."

"She's genetically modified, you know."

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

Veni, Vidi, Vici, Mani, Pedi.

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

Whatever look you were aiming for..you missed!

'It's the least I can do. I don't have enough money to get cloned.'

Romee Strijd caricature

"My talent agent tells me I have the perfect face for a hand model."

sale

'I reduce my stress with comfort food. Now none of my clothes are comfortable.'

A bald man is chasing his toupee with a butterfly net

'I got him for self defense. Boze eats my wife's leftovers.'

As soon as the diet ends the lost weight returns.

"Naturally curly hair."

"Moving to a chair to eat three times a day really isn't 'doing sit-ups!'"

'What makes you so sure this is good for my health?'

'I was born as beautiful as you, but after a few years you will see...'

'Irregular heartbeat. Due to irregular exercise.'