Beauty Regime Fanatic Pillows

The Man in the Charcoal Mask

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

"Where are my eyelashes?"

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"Who's a pretty girl now?"

Beauty salon - Our hair color is to dye for!

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

'Do something, Alan...he's been playing in the mud again!'

Rape of the Lock- The Toilet

'There's no charge for the carrier bag!'

'Slices Mandy! Just slices!'

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the best facelift of them all?

"She's had a lot of work done."

'Do you want it set for light, medium or butterball?'

"Which one of these things is the soap?"

Martha went to desperate lengths to avoid flat hair.

"I asked my hairstylist to work her magic on me and she referred me to you."

'Will your wrinkle cream work on these trousers, Mavis?'

"So what's your success rate?"

'Voila!! No more wrinkles!!'

Beauty Products - for women, and for men (exactly the same, but with turbo added).

Bad Hair Day

"You have a very rare conditioner."

Brazilian Squirrels

Classical Beauty: "My secret is to eat lots of olive-skinned men."

'I'm sure I'm getting worry lines worring if this anti wrinkle cream is working!'

Tanning salons to avoid. . .

"You've been ages,dear-but never mind I've been patiently waiting in the pub accross the road!"

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.