Beauty Fan Pillows

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.

It's the Vikings and the Avon lady not due until tomorrow!"

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Bad hair day!

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

Dating is so expensive...

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Pampered and poodled.

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"I don't like your application."

What price beauty?

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"I feel bad for the companies that make lipstick."

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"Who's a pretty girl now?"

'I'm not begging, I've just painted my claws.'

"Don't worry about your hair, dear, I can fix it in post-production."

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

"Hair spray"

Your presentation will be terrific. I was up all night, but something's still missing. Here. I've got just what you need. How thoughtful! Eye concealer! No need to thank me.

New Twenty Blades

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

Beauty salon - Our hair color is to dye for!

"I'm not trying to be beautiful, I'm only trying to look better than everyone else there."

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

It was time for a little bit of lady admin

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

'Here's my fail proof way to restore a youthful appearance - a 30 watt bulb.'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."